songs from a blue room

by earl patrick

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about

"you burn with hunger for food that does not exist."
"the burning doesn't go away?"
"what fire dies when you feed it? the truth will set you free, but not until it is finished with you."

- david foster wallace

credits

released October 17, 2013

written and performed by earl patrick
recorded by mike coykendall
mixed by keiffer infantino
mastered by carl saff

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earl patrick California

dark. soulful. confessional. indie-pop. songwriter. singer. music & words. words & music. stories.

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Track Name: you missed our stop again
i walk these empty streets
passed car lots filled with weeds
passed junkies filled with need
and they can see i need it to

come upon a house on fire
the flames just flicker off my eyes
my thoughts twist up like wire
and all that i can see is you

i can't go back to west virginia, and i'm okay with that.
i can't go back to west virginia. nothing ever seems to last

the thirty-three runs slow
the thirty-four runs home
my memories run cold
my mood goes with the seasons
you missed our stop again
you missed our stop again
you missed our sop again
yeah, yeah - you said you had your reasons

i can't go back to boston. i hate it when you go.
i can't go back to cambridge, and i can't stand to be alone.

when your voice was warm, it was always home.

i can't go back to brooklyn, and it makes me very sad.
i can't go back to brooklyn. you were the best i ever had.
Track Name: i wish you would have come around
we grew up too fast. it was a different age.
half a lifetime's not enough. half a life is not enough,
and you've been on my mind. the weight is heavy.
you've been on my mind, and the weight is heavy there.

i don't want to feel this anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i'm having trouble sleeping, and i wish that you had come around.
i don't want to be here anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i was having problems of my own, but i guess i should have come around.

we grew up too fast. it was a bitter age.
half a lifetime was enough. what was it that was not enough?
you've been on my mind. the weight is heavy.
you've been on my mind, and the wind falls heavy there.

i don't want to feel this anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i'm having trouble sleeping, and i wish that you had come around.
i don't want to be here anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i was having problems of my own, but i guess i should have come around.

it's a long way down, and i wish i would have come around.

i don't want to feel this anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i'm having trouble sleeping, and i wish that you had come around.
i don't want to be here anymore. i wish that you had come around.
i was having problems of my own, but i guess i should have come around.
Track Name: how long 'til it's not fun
you've sold it all (even your hair)
you can't quit, but you won't win
you've got a thousand mile stare
and you can see beyond the wind
the candy corn was pretty
there are no seeds without some sin
and you think no one ever gets you so you give them everything

when is fighting "fighting", and when is it just dumb
what is the difference between letting go and giving up
and what if no one's listening to anything you've done
if you beat your head against the wall, how long 'til it's not fun

you work three jobs, you walk the line
you can't quit 'cause you need the cash
some for life and some for love
and some to make a name that lasts
your exodus was brilliant
put down on sealing wax with strings
and you think everyone should get you so you give them everything

when is fighting "fighting", and when is it just dumb
what is the difference between letting go and giving up
and what if no one's listening to anything you've done
if you beat your head against the wall, how long 'til it's not fun

i've been watching and waiting and i can't figure it out
i have so much to say but instead i shut my mouth
i've been waiting and i've been wanting can you help me kill this thing
if you give me money, i will sell my pain. i swear i'll give you everything.

when is fighting "fighting", and when is it just dumb
what is the difference between letting go and giving up
and what if no one's listening to anything i've done
if you beat your head against the wall, how long 'til it's not fun
Track Name: when she kiss you, you could taste it
she was a baseball player from the neighborhood
stick for a bat and she could swing it good
she always did the things her mother said she should
like speak softly, speak softly.

in the mornings, if she'd come to class
she'd sit beside me and she'd always ask
was she handsome and could she pass
and could she show me, could she show me

she was the fastest round the bases
she loved diamonds but hated bracelets
in the back of the bus she took me many places
and when she kissed you, you could taste it

we were just kids in a catholic school
playing grown up games with our made up rules
we were in choir when it wasn't cool
and we'd sign holy, holy, holy

late at night she'd call me on the phone
we had each other and our broken homes
she had her stick but her dad had stones
and she say hold me, can you please hold me

she was the fastest round the bases
she loved diamonds but hated bracelets
in the back of the bus she took me many places
and when she kissed you, you could taste it

ave maria gratia plena
hail mary full of grace
hail mary full of grace

she was the fastest round the bases
she loved diamonds but hated bracelets
in the back of the bus she took me many places
and when she kissed you, you could taste it
Track Name: this is not a love song
when she needed you
when she was so confused
when the city left her bruised
well that was when she needed you

in a house that was too quiet
even the phone stayed silent
and the days all passed in twilight
in a house that was too quiet

and she wishes she could tell you that she's over it
but she can't, because she's not
she wishes you would tell her to get over it
but you won't, you don't talk

when she needed you
when she was black and blue
and you waited for the proof
well that was when she needed you

in a house that was too quiet
she wrote stories just to try it
they were dark and you stayed silent
in a house that was too quiet

and she wishes she could tell you that she's over it
but she can't, because she's not
she wishes you would tell her to get over it
but you won't, you don't talk

this is not a love song. it's always about love.
there is nothing left to say. you never said that much.
Track Name: it's too late to learn to swim
you're like a second story man on the walls i've built. you infect my mind, you're always looking for the same thrill. you mapped out my life. you drew it in the sand, but i've kept the grains you swept away. i'll ruin what you've planned.

the tide is closing in. it's too late to learn to swim. can't you hear it whispering, "we're going in"

you're the third man on the match, and i've got you in my sights. i can pull the trigger; i can make this right tonight. you're standing on the shore, staring back land. the sun rises behind you and your shadow hits the sand.

the tide is closing in. it's too late to learn to swim. can't you hear it whispering, "we're going in"

you're the fourth horseman, and i'm this twisted angel. i've been judging myself for so long now that it's no longer painful. you mapped out my life. you drew it in the sand, but i've kept the grains you swept away. i swear i'll ruin everything you've planned.

the tide is closing in. it's too late to learn to swim. can't you hear it whispering, "we're going in"
Track Name: has it been right here all along
broke down on the side of the road, but we almost made it. we almost made it home. tell me there's a place where the ache in your bones becomes as weightless as the moment you let go.

your skirt was up around your waist and you almost made me, you almost made me weight. tell me there's a place and tell me why you stayed. you'll have to say it, because i can't read your face.

there is a sadness that i would like to move beyond. i have my moments, but they are brief and then they're gone. can you please tell me, do you where i belong? i've either missed it, or it's been right here all along

the part in your hair and the shape of your eyes, there's a moment and a place i long to find. lately it's been a lot of trying to get by, but lord the part in your hair and the shape of your eyes.

there is a sadness that i would like to move beyond. i have my moments, but they are brief and then they're gone. can you please tell me, do you where i belong? i've either missed it, or it's been right here all along

how do you put up with me, even i get tired of all my needs? how do you put up with me, even i'm so tired of everything i need?

there is a sadness that i would like to move beyond. i have my moments, but they are brief and then they're gone. can you please tell me, do you where i belong? i've either missed it, or it's been right here all along
Track Name: i would rather not go
these walls won't talk and neither will i. time heals time and the secrets stay lost. in the cold morning sun, i asked you. i asked you. you avoided the truth just like you've always done.

tell me does summer still smell the same, and if you keep one name can i keep the other? all of these questions dividing like cancer. what is the answer? it's all such a mess.

i would rather not go, though i wish that i did
though you wish that i did, though i wish that i did.
i would rather not go, this house is not home.
your house is not home, and i would rather not go.

time cycles by past the place where i lived
but i dreamt too big, oh i dreamt too big
and the mind it says you never will, you never did
oh you never will, because you never did

i would rather not go, though i wish that i did
though you wish that i did, though i wish that i did.
i would rather not go, this house is not home.
your house is not home, and i would rather not go.
Track Name: why now after all these years
police boats on the river spinning blue light on the water. the bridge arcs slowly over it's the shape of your life story. the dusk is filled with silence. it reminds me of our father. i have to stop and listen because simple things destroy me.

i've spent some time lying down; never sleeping, always speaking. i give someone our money and hope she tells me what i'm thinking.

it's awfully hard to say this but i think we might be through. you write a song for me and i will write a song for you. or you can write your one act play and i'll act the role i'm cast into, you can pretend you never loved me, and i'll pretend the same for you.

i've spent some time lying down; never sleeping, always speaking. i give someone our money and hope she tells me what i'm thinking. if you can play the stoic, well then i will play the weakling. we can meet for drinks and then discuss why we are drinking.

but why now after all these years?
Track Name: i don't know if there's a way to save this
i can see it in your tired face and the way you look across the room. morning is the time i love you best. i miss you in the afternoon.

if there was a way to set it all straight, i wonder if we would take it. there are so many nights that i lie awake wanting back time i've wasted. and i hate to be the one to say it (i hate to be the one to hate), but i don't know if there's a way to save this - if there is a way to set it all straight.

i can see it in the way you look, when you look at me across the room. morning is the time i love you best, i lose you in the afternoon.

if there was a way to set it all straight, i wonder if we would take it. there are so many nights that i lie awake wanting back time i've wasted. and i hate to be the one to say it (i hate to be the one you hate), but i don't know if there's a way to save this - if there is a way to set it all straight.

i can see right behind your eyes, even if you're scared to speak the truth. morning is the time i love you best, i don't even know you by the afternoon.
Track Name: i'd change everything but us
seven years silent and seven years gone. when we went upriver, we went arm in arm. armed to the teeth, but our teeth were gone. we were armed to the teeth, but our teeth were gone.

what would i do if i could do it over, if i'd known then in whom to trust? what would i change if i could change it now? i'd change everything but us.

i'm tired of wasting, i'm tired of wasted. of time spent killing time to change it. money is the root of everything i've traded, of everything i'm wasting, of everything i've wasted.

what would i do if i could do it over, if i'd known then in whom to trust? what would i change if i could change it now? i'd change everything but us.

seven years silent and seven years gone. when we went upriver, we went arm in arm. armed to the teeth, but our teeth were gone. we were armed to the teeth, but our teeth were gone.
Track Name: she was a pretty girl
anne hedonia was a pretty girl but i never saw her smile. she wore black skirts and ripped up shirts.. she had these violet eyes. we grew up together in a cold october town, where the fire had burnt out and the theaters all closed down. she used to whisper in my ear the softest sweetest things. she'd tell me that she loved me and kiss me in between.

could you tell me that you love me and kiss me like you mean it?

it's monday morning, i drag myself out of bed with this aching disease; this aging in my head. i rub my eyes, blink them twice, brush my teeth and smile nice - too late to shower, that's the story of my life.

anne hedonia was a pretty girl, but i never saw her smile. she always drank her coffee black. she had these violent eyes. we grew up together in this cold october town where the sun was never out and the firehouse burnt town. she used to whisper in my ear the softest sweetest things. she'd tell me that she loved me and kiss be in between.

could you tell me that you love me and kiss me like you mean it?

it's monday morning, i drag myself out of bed with this aching disease; this aging in my head. i rub my eyes, blink them twice, brush my teeth and smile nice - too late to shower, that's the story of my life.

anne hedonia was a pretty girl, but she always made me cry. she'd hold me as i sobbed and kiss away the light. i grew up clinging to here in this dark october town, and she always put my fire out when i tried to burn it down. she'd push herself into me and say the sweetest things. she'd tell me that she loved me and kiss me in between.

could you tell me that you love me and kiss me like you mean it?

it's monday morning, i drag myself out of bed with this aching disease; this aging in my head. i rub my eyes, blink them twice, brush my teeth and smile nice - too late to shower, that's the story of my life.
Track Name: a simple set of words
maria woke up lonely in a strange hotel and couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. she counted up the money on the nightstand, and it added up to a cold breakfast and bus fare. she threw the empty bottles in the trash. she threw up last night's excess in the sink. she locked the bathroom door and got undressed, and got into the shower so she could think.

as the steam rose up she said a silent prayer; a simple set of words she'd learned when she was young. she felt something shifting in the air. she wasn't sure, but she thought it felt like love.

percy was a night clerk in an old hotel. for thirty years he'd punched out at six a.m. he held the lobby door as he was leaving, for a woman who was drunk when she checked in. then he got onto the number twenty bus and took the old worn seat he liked the best. with his hand he felt the cancer in his gut and told himself he wasn't scared of death.

as the door swung shut he said a silent prayer; a simple set of words he'd learned when he was young. he felt something shifting in the air. he wasn't sure, but he thought it felt like love.

danny was the driver on the twenty bus. he'd moved up from somewhere in the south. and though he never said just what it was he left behind, you could see it in the way he held his mouth. that night he made a call he'd longed to make, and shook to hear her voice come through the phone. he wept until the pain had left him spent, and then started making plans to move back home.

as the night closed in he said a silent prayer; a simple set of words he'd learned when he was young. he felt something shifting in the air. he wasn't sure, but he thought it felt like love.