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more stories from an ordinary orange

by earl patrick

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i've stood close enough to death to see the shadows on his face and i know well the story lines for how we fall from grace so without hesitation i know now that i can say i am not ready yet it's never been more plain i'm more afraid of aging than i used to be and i've seen more of my own weakness than i thought i'd see and morphine only takes away one kind of pain and the shame of weakness takes no time to settle in so on this darkened ward we pull our knees up to our chests and wait for another night to settle in or a new life to begin i'm one of the lucky ones and i get to write it down with blue ink on these wrinkled pages where my story still plays out i've read enough tragedy to know they always end face down and if pride comes before a fall well then i must have been so proud i'm more afraid of everything than i used to be but i've seen more of human kindness than i thought i'd see and morphine only takes away one kind of pain and the shame of weakness takes no time to settle in so on this darkened ward we pull our knees up to our chests and wait for another night to settle in or a new life to begin
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i woke up broken high on morphine laying in bed a simple silver halo a not so subtle sign that i had cheated death of all the dreams i've ever had those morphine ones were best i remember the way you smiled if not exactly everything you said i broke my neck and fell in love there are worse things than feeling numb and yeah i can't quite feel my hands but i can feel your touch i broke my neck and fell in love there are worse things than feeling numb and yeah i can't quite feel my hands but i can still look up and things are looking up i didn't notice exactly when the change took place but i remember thinking your eyes were impossibly blue in your impossibly beautiful face and when you kissed me i nearly fell yeah i nearly fell and well maybe that was just a seizure or maybe it was something else i broke my neck and fell in love there are worse things than feeling numb and yeah i can't quite feel my hands but i can feel your touch i broke my neck and fell in love there are worse things than feeling numb and yeah i can't quite feel my hands but i can still look up and things are looking up
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late september, one more day i can hear the ocean out the window i woke up to the sound of your slow breathing and the water falling on the stones below the autumn sky is colored grey like mercury or twenty third street in the rain but the last thing that i care about's the weather you're the only thing i care about and you're sleeping in again i don't care if it rains on our wedding day if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same i don't care if it rains on our wedding day under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same even in the rain late september, one more day the minister is practicing his lines and i tell you that i'm not nervous and okay well that might just be a lie because anxious is as anxious does and i haven't had a good night's sleep in five but i love you, you know i do and you've made me the luckiest boy alive i don't care if it rains on our wedding day if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same i don't care if it rains on our wedding day under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same even in the rain i told you once i broke my neck and fell in love but have i told you that i'd do it all again because pain is temporary and some things are forever and you and i are one of them i don't care if it rains on our wedding day if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same i don't care if it rains on our wedding day under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same even in the rain
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it says dream above your bed and i hope that you dream big and that your life is filled with love and that your heart controls your head you know that love has brought me farther than reason ever did so wake up singing everyday even in the winter rain pay attention to the little joys that will always come your way there'll be some sadness and some pain some mistakes and that's okay don't let it get you down just stand up and take your place and wake up singing everyday please believe in yourself there is no stronger deeper well and you are more than you can ever tell don't keep your heart up on the highest shelf you know that love has brought me farther than everything else so wake up singing everyday even in the winter rain pay attention to the little joys that will always come your way there'll be some sadness and some pain some mistakes and that's okay don't let it get you down just stand up and take your place and wake up singing everyday
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it's 3 a.m. and i can't sleep and this should come as no surprise your love is just a strange disease it's oil burning in my mind the bed's on fire when you're not here the clock is laughing in my face my eyes are drier than the winter air and in my mouth a bitter taste the things you said keep me awake you can't have meant what passed your lips words filling up the empty space between my memories, my wishes and this life always changes late at night and catches me so tired and weak that all that i can do is sigh and rearrange everything that i believe but tonight i'm fighting quietly this war behind my eyes where logic fights with instinct until an eye for an eye makes both sides blind the things you said keep me awake you can't have meant what passed your lips words filling up the empty space between my memories, my wishes and this i thought i knew you well enough that you could not surprise me this much but you have made yourself a stranger here and if not you than who is left to trust but it's 3 a.m. and i can't sleep your love is now my dark disease and i am left with nothing more than a quiet place where angels fear to creep the things you said keep me awake you can't have meant what passed your lips words filling up the empty space between my memories, my wishes and this
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summer is gone like the girl you spent your summer falling for and whether or not you admit it you hate yourself for leaving her but you make things hard for yourself you always have so why change now but oh don't you wish she was here to hold your hand till you touch down they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out because you have made a lifetime out of leaving alaska is cold and the nights are so long they're impossible so why do you keep going back to the things that make you miserable oh, you make things hard on yourself we've been through that, i've lived through it so please just shut up and admit that you're in love get on with it they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out because you have made a lifetime out of leaving why don't you tell her the truth you live like you're trying to lose why don't you tell her the truth and live like you've got something to lose they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out because you have made a lifetime out of leaving
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it was saturday night and the lights were out and you drove away from the old downtown out towards the edge where the sun goes down and the sky was the color of a burning house and you said to her so is this love and she said if it's not well then what is love and you sat quiet in the lingering dusk while the night came up just like it always does and the radio pulled static from the wind and she held your hand and said you were beautiful and she said it again and again and again and now you keep that memory buried in your heart like something buried deep beneath the snow you keep that memory buried in your heart like you're the only one on earth who knows on those summer days in catholic school well, there she was sitting next to you and you were there because they failed you and she was there because she loved you and outside in the sun she would hold your hand with its knuckles bruised and its nails chewed down and she would tell you how things would all work out and look at you now how things have all worked out and her hair was blowing sideways in the wind and she held your hand and said you were beautiful and she said it again and again and again and now you keep that memory buried in your heart like something buried deep beneath the snow you keep that memory buried in your heart like you're the only one on earth who knows and now somedays you have good days and other days you don't but either way she finds a way to always bring you home and then those memories come trailing back like static in the wind and she holds your hand and smiles at you and you fall in love again and now you keep that memory buried in your heart like something buried deep beneath the snow you keep that memory buried in your heart like you're the only one on earth who knows it was saturday night and the lights were out and you drove away from the old downtown out towards the edge where the sun goes down and the sky was the color of a house on fire
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cut out again, if you get what you give then i must make a pattern that's shaped like a wedge you opened your door but did not say come in you just stood there and looked and then shut it again if you'd bothered to ask just how i've been you'd have been blank at the answer that came from my lips i'm so tired of this game that you play to win i don't know your rules, frankly i never did so i'm learning to let go i'm learning to dream i'm learning that no one ever says what they mean and i learned to love you so i'll just learn to forget and i'll let go of this anger because baby, i know how to forgive for the last several nights i've been having this dream that it's autumn again and we're walking through leaves and you open your mouth but i can't hear you speak still i know what you're saying and i know how you feel but i wake up alone - these windows face east the world never cares when you're down on your knees would you just give me something that i can believe or if you still have to lie make it a good one at least because i'm learning to let go i'm learning to dream i'm learning that no one ever says what they mean and i learned to love you so i'll just learn to forget and i'll let go of this anger because baby, i know how to forgive
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wearing thin 02:35
last night i opened a bottle of red and i drank the whole thing down and tried to forget everything you'd ever said last night i slept with my radio on i was naked on my unmade bed and i listened to the only voice that's ever taught me how to carry on last night i called everyone i know but neither of them were home i thought that we were stronger boy i thought that we were cut out of stone last night i lost my faith in truth quite frankly i find your honesty depressing i tried to look out through my window but i couldn't see through my reflection last night i cried laying in my bathtub and like dry ice the porcelain stuck to my skin i never even turned the water on lately your jokes are wearing thin
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red light district in bangkok and i want to but i'm not duck into a restaurant and order something that i can't pronounce i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet buddhist temple in hong-kong my head's shaved but i don't belong duck back out into the crowded streets and look at bamboo wrapped buildings i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet brick apartment in harlem three a.m. and i'm hearing gunshots at the corner bodega i buy three pints of ben and jerry's i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet red light district in bangkok and i want to but i'm not duck into a restaurant and order something that i can't pronounce

about

"people used to make records as in the record of an event, the event of people playing music in a room." - ani difranco

credits

released July 11, 2011

acoustic guitar (a 1967 gibson F25) & vocals: earl patrick
engineering: mark frethem

all songs written carefully by earl patrick

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earl patrick Portland, Oregon

Songwriter, composer & multi-instrumentalist Earl Patrick has been quietly making independent records for over 20 years. For a sample of suggested listening: Four phases (classical piano) | I'll call you when i touch back down (bedroom pop) | songs from a blue room (indie rock - solo guitar & voice) ... more

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