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i've stood close enough to death
to see the shadows on his face
and i know well the story lines
for how we fall from grace
so without hesitation
i know now that i can say
i am not ready yet
it's never been more plain
i'm more afraid of aging than i used to be
and i've seen more of my own weakness than i thought i'd see
and morphine only takes away one kind of pain
and the shame of weakness takes no time to settle in
so on this darkened ward we pull our knees up to our chests
and wait for another night to settle in
or a new life to begin
i'm one of the lucky ones
and i get to write it down
with blue ink on these wrinkled pages
where my story still plays out
i've read enough tragedy
to know they always end face down
and if pride comes before a fall
well then i must have been so proud
i'm more afraid of everything than i used to be
but i've seen more of human kindness than i thought i'd see
and morphine only takes away one kind of pain
and the shame of weakness takes no time to settle in
so on this darkened ward we pull our knees up to our chests
and wait for another night to settle in
or a new life to begin
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4. |
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i woke up broken
high on morphine laying in bed
a simple silver halo a not so subtle sign
that i had cheated death
of all the dreams i've ever had
those morphine ones were best
i remember the way you smiled
if not exactly everything you said
i broke my neck and fell in love
there are worse things than feeling numb
and yeah i can't quite feel my hands
but i can feel your touch
i broke my neck and fell in love
there are worse things than feeling numb
and yeah i can't quite feel my hands
but i can still look up and things are looking up
i didn't notice
exactly when the change took place
but i remember thinking your eyes were impossibly blue
in your impossibly beautiful face
and when you kissed me
i nearly fell yeah i nearly fell
and well maybe that was just a seizure
or maybe it was something else
i broke my neck and fell in love
there are worse things than feeling numb
and yeah i can't quite feel my hands
but i can feel your touch
i broke my neck and fell in love
there are worse things than feeling numb
and yeah i can't quite feel my hands
but i can still look up and things are looking up
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6. |
the umbrella song
03:36
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late september, one more day
i can hear the ocean out the window
i woke up to the sound of your slow breathing
and the water falling on the stones below
the autumn sky is colored grey
like mercury or twenty third street in the rain
but the last thing that i care about's the weather
you're the only thing i care about and you're sleeping in again
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same
even in the rain
late september, one more day
the minister is practicing his lines
and i tell you that i'm not nervous
and okay well that might just be a lie
because anxious is as anxious does
and i haven't had a good night's sleep in five
but i love you, you know i do
and you've made me the luckiest boy alive
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same
even in the rain
i told you once i broke my neck and fell in love
but have i told you that i'd do it all again
because pain is temporary and some things are forever
and you and i are one of them
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
if it's umbrellas and cardigans i love you just the same
i don't care if it rains on our wedding day
under umbrellas we'll say i do and we're married just the same
even in the rain
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7. |
big letters on a string
00:31
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8. |
song for my daughters
03:18
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it says dream above your bed
and i hope that you dream big
and that your life is filled with love
and that your heart controls your head
you know that love has brought me farther
than reason ever did
so wake up singing everyday
even in the winter rain
pay attention to the little joys
that will always come your way
there'll be some sadness and some pain
some mistakes and that's okay
don't let it get you down
just stand up and take your place
and wake up singing everyday
please believe in yourself
there is no stronger deeper well
and you are more than you can ever tell
don't keep your heart up on the highest shelf
you know that love has brought me farther
than everything else
so wake up singing everyday
even in the winter rain
pay attention to the little joys
that will always come your way
there'll be some sadness and some pain
some mistakes and that's okay
don't let it get you down
just stand up and take your place
and wake up singing everyday
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it's 3 a.m. and i can't sleep
and this should come as no surprise
your love is just a strange disease
it's oil burning in my mind
the bed's on fire when you're not here
the clock is laughing in my face
my eyes are drier than the winter air
and in my mouth a bitter taste
the things you said keep me awake
you can't have meant what passed your lips
words filling up the empty space
between my memories, my wishes and this
life always changes late at night
and catches me so tired and weak
that all that i can do is sigh
and rearrange everything that i believe
but tonight i'm fighting quietly
this war behind my eyes
where logic fights with instinct
until an eye for an eye makes both sides blind
the things you said keep me awake
you can't have meant what passed your lips
words filling up the empty space
between my memories, my wishes and this
i thought i knew you well enough
that you could not surprise me this much
but you have made yourself a stranger here
and if not you than who is left to trust
but it's 3 a.m. and i can't sleep
your love is now my dark disease
and i am left with nothing more than a quiet place
where angels fear to creep
the things you said keep me awake
you can't have meant what passed your lips
words filling up the empty space
between my memories, my wishes and this
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summer is gone like the girl
you spent your summer falling for
and whether or not you admit it
you hate yourself for leaving her
but you make things hard for yourself
you always have so why change now
but oh don't you wish she was here
to hold your hand till you touch down
they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure
like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door
but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out
because you have made a lifetime out of leaving
alaska is cold and the nights
are so long they're impossible
so why do you keep going back
to the things that make you miserable
oh, you make things hard on yourself
we've been through that, i've lived through it
so please just shut up and admit
that you're in love get on with it
they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure
like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door
but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out
because you have made a lifetime out of leaving
why don't you tell her the truth
you live like you're trying to lose
why don't you tell her the truth
and live like you've got something to lose
they tell you what to do if there's a sudden drop in pressure
like you've never worn a mask before or don't know how to find a door
but you know what to do when the oxygen runs out
because you have made a lifetime out of leaving
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it was saturday night and the lights were out
and you drove away from the old downtown
out towards the edge where the sun goes down
and the sky was the color of a burning house
and you said to her so is this love
and she said if it's not well then what is love
and you sat quiet in the lingering dusk
while the night came up just like it always does
and the radio pulled static from the wind
and she held your hand and said you were beautiful
and she said it again and again and again
and now you keep that memory buried in your heart
like something buried deep beneath the snow
you keep that memory buried in your heart
like you're the only one on earth who knows
on those summer days in catholic school
well, there she was sitting next to you
and you were there because they failed you
and she was there because she loved you
and outside in the sun she would hold your hand
with its knuckles bruised and its nails chewed down
and she would tell you how things would all work out
and look at you now how things have all worked out
and her hair was blowing sideways in the wind
and she held your hand and said you were beautiful
and she said it again and again and again
and now you keep that memory buried in your heart
like something buried deep beneath the snow
you keep that memory buried in your heart
like you're the only one on earth who knows
and now somedays you have good days
and other days you don't
but either way she finds a way
to always bring you home
and then those memories come trailing back
like static in the wind
and she holds your hand and smiles at you
and you fall in love again
and now you keep that memory buried in your heart
like something buried deep beneath the snow
you keep that memory buried in your heart
like you're the only one on earth who knows
it was saturday night and the lights were out
and you drove away from the old downtown
out towards the edge where the sun goes down
and the sky was the color of a house on fire
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15. |
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cut out again, if you get what you give
then i must make a pattern that's shaped like a wedge
you opened your door but did not say come in
you just stood there and looked and then shut it again
if you'd bothered to ask just how i've been
you'd have been blank at the answer that came from my lips
i'm so tired of this game that you play to win
i don't know your rules, frankly i never did
so i'm learning to let go
i'm learning to dream
i'm learning that no one
ever says what they mean
and i learned to love you
so i'll just learn to forget
and i'll let go of this anger
because baby, i know how to forgive
for the last several nights i've been having this dream
that it's autumn again and we're walking through leaves
and you open your mouth but i can't hear you speak
still i know what you're saying and i know how you feel
but i wake up alone - these windows face east
the world never cares when you're down on your knees
would you just give me something that i can believe
or if you still have to lie make it a good one at least
because i'm learning to let go
i'm learning to dream
i'm learning that no one
ever says what they mean
and i learned to love you
so i'll just learn to forget
and i'll let go of this anger
because baby, i know how to forgive
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17. |
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18. |
wearing thin
02:35
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last night i opened a bottle of red
and i drank the whole thing down
and tried to forget
everything you'd ever said
last night i slept with my radio on
i was naked on my unmade bed
and i listened to the only voice
that's ever taught me how to carry on
last night i called everyone i know
but neither of them were home
i thought that we were stronger boy
i thought that we were cut out of stone
last night i lost my faith in truth
quite frankly i find your honesty depressing
i tried to look out through my window
but i couldn't see through my reflection
last night i cried laying in my bathtub
and like dry ice the porcelain stuck to my skin
i never even turned the water on
lately your jokes are wearing thin
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19. |
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20. |
i don't know what i want
03:02
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red light district in bangkok
and i want to but i'm not
duck into a restaurant
and order something that i can't pronounce
i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet
buddhist temple in hong-kong
my head's shaved but i don't belong
duck back out into the crowded streets
and look at bamboo wrapped buildings
i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet
brick apartment in harlem
three a.m. and i'm hearing gunshots
at the corner bodega
i buy three pints of ben and jerry's
i don't know what i want but i haven't found it yet
red light district in bangkok
and i want to but i'm not
duck into a restaurant
and order something that i can't pronounce
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earl patrick Portland, Oregon
Songwriter, composer & multi-instrumentalist Earl Patrick has been quietly making independent records for over 20 years. For a sample of suggested listening: Four phases (classical piano) | I'll call you when i touch back down (bedroom pop) | songs from a blue room (indie rock - solo guitar & voice) ... more
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